Why marry a Western not an Egyptian guy?
Last night, I had this interesting conversation with one my girlfriends in Cairo. We have been friends for more than 12 years. It is always nice to catch up with her about our girly and non-girly news despite the distance. The two of us have so many common jokes and clichés that we use to make fun of guys or being naughty in general.
We talked about so many things, among them was marrying an Egyptian or a western. I do not know why we had to go through this topic but we did. It was a mix of jokes most of the time.
I have no bias agiainst Egyptian or western guys. It is all about the person himself regardless, but in my subconscious I am so aware of my Egyptian culture that of course includes men. My friend believes that marrying a western guy is salvage from some many pains.
She believes that I became so neutral because I do not live in Cairo and that I forgot about all the vices of Egyptian men and that she will take the opportunity to wake me up and remind me again of the reality. So I asked her what is their problem. I pretended to be on the neutral side.
She told me no matter how he pretends to be liberal or progressive he is, there is a point when he starts to talk in this language “you know what this shirt is a bit open”, “I think your skirt is a bit short”, “I believe your wearing too much make up, there is no need for make up”, “do you have to waste all this time styling your hair every time we go out”.
Ok here are some of what we went through and tried to compare it to western guys.
Sharing responsibility is not an issue to be discussed. In Egypt, poor women have to do everything; cook, do the dishes, raise the kids, help them with the homework, go to work, get the groceries, laundry, plan vacations…etc. Men pretend to spend money but in fact women do too because life is getting so expensive. It is very rare to find an Egyptian man who knows how to cook and if he does after he gets married this habit will stop because his wife will cook.
Let’s not forget about the family part. His mom is usually a very attractive personality. There is this culture in Egypt. A mother giving up her son to another woman is like giving up a diamond stone even if he is a straw man. The sister is the second in command in terms of annoying the would-be-wife/fiancé or current wife. The latter is considered the enemy who wants to brainwash the son for her own interest. The mother-son relationship in Egypt is a bit strange at least from my own standards and sometimes scary. Egyptian mothers make sure that their sons are so dependent on them and in so many instances she does not give them the chance to be independent even if there are chances to be an independent individual to continue manipulating them forever.
In so many cases, Egyptian men marry because they found “the suitable” wife. It is the easiest recipe for marriage failure or he marries a woman because he has a crush on her or just being infatuated by her but not because he experienced true love. This “suitable” word just kills me and is capable of killing any marriage. Some Egyptian men are capable of taking a decision marriage if they saw a woman first time among her family members.
The lack of sexual education in Egypt is a disaster. Women and men end up in marriage relationships that they do not know their real dimensions. Frustration to achieve a successful marriage relationship ends up with so many problems.
Egyptian men are raised up to show strength by pretending to be emotionless. The freedom to express real feelings is considered lack of manhood. The result is lack of communications and a relationship built up on guessing and in most of the cases it turns to be extremely stressful because of the continuous misunderstanding.
Egyptian guys love to start a love relationship with the push and pull technique. And they believe that this is going to sweep the woman off the floor, fearing that if they used the friendship technique that will end the up the relationship as only friends. Love that is based on friendship is just one of the best ways to guarantee a solid lasting love relationship. Friendships that end in love are amazing because it is based on mutual understanding, common activities and sharing.
Career is a male word. Egyptian men does not believe that career is applied to both men and women. It is not an easy thing for a man to give up his career for his woman for example which does not happen in all time. She is expected to give up every thing she does for her man and children without a thank you because this is her role no matter how is important her work for her.
Egyptian men resort to spend their spare time with their boyfriends at the clubs, coffee shops after work and at the weekends, because the atmosphere at home is usually not nice since he does not take part in sharing children’s issues, homework or household stuff. They do not think of sharing activities of their wives, because their wives are busy and they are saving her time for the house and the children. Marrying a straw man is not a great idea. He keeps all his single friends and he believes that it is not appropriate for his wife to mingle with them.
The continuous struggle between the Egyptian wife and husband on where to spend the national holidays and vacations is always a decision on whether with her or his families. There is no time to have sometime for themselves. If the day off will be spent with his or her family whatever, it has to end up with a fight in their way back to their home while the children are sleeping in the car if they have one. He claims that the way she talked to his mom or sister was not appropriate and that she is intentionally flaring up an argument to make it a reason not to spend time with his family in future occasions.
My friend and I ended up the conversation after she reminded of all the Egyptian men vices. She told me “Despite all that I think I will continue to like my Egyptian boyfriend and I want to marry him”. So why did we go through all this conversation, I do not know!
Egyptianism: previous blog posts:
Egyptian Belly Dancing
Social Freedoms and Chastity in Egypt and the U.S.
Marriage is a Contract Paper in Egypt
Egyptian Bawabs make it to Boston