Why marry a Western not an Egyptian guy?

Last night, I had this interesting conversation with one my girlfriends in Cairo. We have been friends for more than 12 years. It is always nice to catch up with her about our girly and non-girly news despite the distance. The two of us have so many common jokes and clichés that we use to make fun of guys or being naughty in general.

We talked about so many things, among them was marrying an Egyptian or a western. I do not know why we had to go through this topic but we did. It was a mix of jokes most of the time.

I have no bias agiainst Egyptian or western guys. It is all about the person himself regardless, but in my subconscious I am so aware of my Egyptian culture that of course includes men. My friend believes that marrying a western guy is salvage from some many pains.

She believes that I became so neutral because I do not live in Cairo and that I forgot about all the vices of Egyptian men and that she will take the opportunity to wake me up and remind me again of the reality. So I asked her what is their problem. I pretended to be on the neutral side.

She told me no matter how he pretends to be liberal or progressive he is, there is a point when he starts to talk in this language “you know what this shirt is a bit open”, “I think your skirt is a bit short”, “I believe your wearing too much make up, there is no need for make up”, “do you have to waste all this time styling your hair every time we go out”.

Ok here are some of what we went through and tried to compare it to western guys.

Sharing responsibility is not an issue to be discussed. In Egypt, poor women have to do everything; cook, do the dishes, raise the kids, help them with the homework, go to work, get the groceries, laundry, plan vacations…etc. Men pretend to spend money but in fact women do too because life is getting so expensive. It is very rare to find an Egyptian man who knows how to cook and if he does after he gets married this habit will stop because his wife will cook.

Let’s not forget about the family part. His mom is usually a very attractive personality. There is this culture in Egypt. A mother giving up her son to another woman is like giving up a diamond stone even if he is a straw man. The sister is the second in command in terms of annoying the would-be-wife/fiancé or current wife. The latter is considered the enemy who wants to brainwash the son for her own interest. The mother-son relationship in Egypt is a bit strange at least from my own standards and sometimes scary. Egyptian mothers make sure that their sons are so dependent on them and in so many instances she does not give them the chance to be independent even if there are chances to be an independent individual to continue manipulating them forever.

In so many cases, Egyptian men marry because they found “the suitable” wife. It is the easiest recipe for marriage failure or he marries a woman because he has a crush on her or just being infatuated by her but not because he experienced true love. This “suitable” word just kills me and is capable of killing any marriage. Some Egyptian men are capable of taking a decision marriage if they saw a woman first time among her family members.

The lack of sexual education in Egypt is a disaster. Women and men end up in marriage relationships that they do not know their real dimensions. Frustration to achieve a successful marriage relationship ends up with so many problems.

Egyptian men are raised up to show strength by pretending to be emotionless. The freedom to express real feelings is considered lack of manhood. The result is lack of communications and a relationship built up on guessing and in most of the cases it turns to be extremely stressful because of the continuous misunderstanding.

Egyptian guys love to start a love relationship with the push and pull technique. And they believe that this is going to sweep the woman off the floor, fearing that if they used the friendship technique that will end the up the relationship as only friends. Love that is based on friendship is just one of the best ways to guarantee a solid lasting love relationship. Friendships that end in love are amazing because it is based on mutual understanding, common activities and sharing.

Career is a male word. Egyptian men does not believe that career is applied to both men and women. It is not an easy thing for a man to give up his career for his woman for example which does not happen in all time. She is expected to give up every thing she does for her man and children without a thank you because this is her role no matter how is important her work for her.

Egyptian men resort to spend their spare time with their boyfriends at the clubs, coffee shops after work and at the weekends, because the atmosphere at home is usually not nice since he does not take part in sharing children’s issues, homework or household stuff. They do not think of sharing activities of their wives, because their wives are busy and they are saving her time for the house and the children. Marrying a straw man is not a great idea. He keeps all his single friends and he believes that it is not appropriate for his wife to mingle with them.

The continuous struggle between the Egyptian wife and husband on where to spend the national holidays and vacations is always a decision on whether with her or his families. There is no time to have sometime for themselves. If the day off will be spent with his or her family whatever, it has to end up with a fight in their way back to their home while the children are sleeping in the car if they have one. He claims that the way she talked to his mom or sister was not appropriate and that she is intentionally flaring up an argument to make it a reason not to spend time with his family in future occasions.

My friend and I ended up the conversation after she reminded of all the Egyptian men vices. She told me “Despite all that I think I will continue to like my Egyptian boyfriend and I want to marry him”. So why did we go through all this conversation, I do not know!

Egyptianism: previous blog posts:
Egyptian Belly Dancing
Social Freedoms and Chastity in Egypt and the U.S.
Marriage is a Contract Paper in Egypt
Egyptian Bawabs make it to Boston

Egypt's Government to Pass Judiciary law without Consulting Judges

Cairo - Egypt's government on Wednesday approved and sent to parliament a draft law on the authority of the judiciary, setting the stage for a fresh standoff with pro-reform judges who said they were not consulted."

After a meeting today chaired by Prime Minister Ahmed Nazif, the cabinet referred the bill containing amendments to the law on the authority of the judiciary to the People's Assembly and Shura Council (upper house) for debate," the official MENA news agency reported.

"Throughout the preparation of the draft law... the government was eager to listen to all opinions and leanings," it quoted government spokesperson Magdi Radi as telling reporters.

He also claimed the new draft granted greater independence to the judiciary and strengthened its authority, but pro-reformist judges, who have campaigned hard over the past years against the law, were sceptical.

"We did not review the bill," Judge Mahmu Mekki, one of the more prominent faces of the pro-reform campaign, told AFP.

"The truth is that the judges tried to explain their opinion, but the government did not allow them to do so," Mekki added.

He also suggested the judges would continue their campaign for independence that have led to violent confrontations with security forces over the past months. More...

UN Human Rights Experts Urge Egypt's Government to Guarantee Judges' Freedom

Expressing "grave concern" over recent attacks against the judiciary in Egypt and the severe repression of demonstrations supporting the judiciary, three independent United Nations human rights experts today urged the Government to guarantee judges' freedom of opinion and expression and judicial independence.

The experts also expressed "serious concern" regarding the Egyptian Government's decision to transfer two Deputy Heads of the Court of Cassation, Judges Mahmoud Mekki and Hisham al-Bastawissi, to the Disciplinary Council, where Judge al-Batawissi was found guilty of disparaging the Supreme Judicial Council and talking to the press about political affairs.

Judge Mekki was cleared of all charges."The independent experts are gravely worried that this decision represents a means to punish Judge al-Batawissi for exercising his right to freedom of expression with regards to the allegations of widespread electoral fraud during the parliamentary elections of 2005 and deter other judges from further action in favour of judicial reform," they said in a statement issued in Geneva.

"In particular, the independent experts are disturbed by the fact that this decision may aim at deterring the other judges whose immunity has also been lifted from continuing their calls for amending the Judicial Authority Law to guarantee the impartiality and the financial and administrative independence of the judiciary." More...

Faten Hamama is Online Now

This is one of my favorite actresses that appeared in the Egyptian movie industry. Faten Hamama for me represents the elegant intelligent beauty and talent versus today's vulgarity and distaste. I learned few days ago that a website in English and Arabic was built for her. Thought of sharing it with you.


It is so surprising to see how women in Egypt in the 30's and 40's and 50's so modern versus the today's waves of Islamization. In the last photo Faten Hamama received an award surrounded by some of her colleagues.

Hitlerism on Saudi Islamic Channel: Jews are Apes and Pigs

Do not be surprised why the US air forces hit the caves of terrorism in Afghanistan and Iraq. Do not be shocked if the civilized world tries to crack down on Muslim immigration. Do not be surprised if we celebrate the death of Abu Musaab Al Zarqawi. Do not be surprised why there is a global war on terrorism. Do not be surprised that some Arab intellectuals believe that President Bush is the cure for terrorism, despite his low popularity among many. Because they know that dictatorships produced this "takferri" terrorist mentalities in which their lives are threatened under forever. Do not be surprised that the western world that laid the basis for tolerant, diverse, all faith world is putting restrictions on its tolerant policies after London, Madrid, New York and Washington, Bali, Beslan, Iraq and Sharm El Sheikh bombings. I received this shocking video from a friend of mine who does not speak Arabic and wanted to verify whether the translation reflects the Arabic. I only had the intention to see the video and tell him my opinion. But I after i heard what is being said in this terrorist video to share it with you.

The video was aired on the Islamic Saudi Channel Iqra that is broadcast all over the Middle East. It is an interview with a three and a half old year girl described as a "True Muslim" and supposed to be a role model for other Muslim girl. I believe it is a children's program.

The girl is wearing a scarf?? Is this the definition of a childhood for what they call themselves "true Muslims". This is childhood abuse and there is no difference between it and childhood pornography. She is wearing it because her parents are teaching her that males are thirsty dogs who will try to rape her at anytime. Second, she is talking about things I did not know about when I was 8 years old. Where is the innocence of the childhood? What are they are teaching her. DO not blame her when she grows up and believes that suicide bombers are her role models for an Islamic life. I feel so sorry for her childhood because other girls at her age enjoy the playgrounds, healthy mental life and fun activities.

She and the presenter are happy to be declaring that Jews are pigs and apes and they keep repeating that. I am not surprised at the insult because I know some progressive Muslim writers who cannot walk in the street because they received death threats from Islamic groups. It is a second nature for these groups to promote hatred and fear that leads to violence and terrorism. Bus and markets suicide bombing start from such programs and channels that promote hatred terrorist ideology.

I am expressing my disgust here but not on behalf of being a Muslim. I do not and I will never talk because I am a Muslim. By doing so I will be using these groups discriminatory ways of putting everyone in their places according to his/her faith. I want to be human and I want to belong to the humanity at large. It is so rich and beautiful…

BTW, this girl is a daughter of a repenting actor. Two days ago I wrote about a repenting actresses in case you do not know what is a repenting actor. This is the generation of children they bring!

CONGRATULATIONS to Iraq and US! Zarqawi is GONE!

Another reason to celebtate Al Zarqawi's death...

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the al-Qaida leader in Iraq who waged a bloody campaign of suicide bombings and beheadings of hostages, has been killed in a precision airstrike, U.S. and Iraqi officials said Thursday. It was a long-sought victory in the war in Iraq. More...

Egypt Halts International Republican Institute for Interfering in Egypt’s Affairs

What a start in Egypt for the International Republican Institute, a friction with the Egyptian government to spice up their lives. The IRI, which takes “advancing democracy” as its main mission, decided to have an office in Cairo, Congratulations! Welcome to the real world.

CAIRO (AFP) - Egypt has asked an American NGO which promotes democracy to suspend its activities in the country due to interference in Cairo's internal affairs.

A foreign ministry spokesman said Monday that Egypt has called on the International Republican Institute (IRI) to halt operations in Egypt until it has received the necessary permits.

The move came after a newspaper interview with Gina London, the Cairo head of the IRI, critical of the slow pace of reform in Egypt.

"Talking of the role of the institute in speeding up what she called 'change' is a blatant interference in Egypt's internal affairs," the ministry spokesman told reporters.

The Egyptian daily Nahdet Masr on Saturday published an interview with London in which she spoke about the institute's work on democracy and the push for reform in Egypt.

Reformists in Egypt were "unable (to achieve reforms) for the past 25 years", she was quoted as saying. More…

Blogging Interest is Growing among Egyptians

I got an email from a friend telling me “I have an idea for a new blog”. I asked what is that? He said it is about Egypt’s reform. He started giving me ideas. I told him look why don’t you put them together I ll publish them. I told him may be you can start your own blog soon, he said he has not time to be committed to a blog but he did not rule out the idea.

FYI: The conversation was in Arabic. And he sent me his blog post in Arabic too and it titled "Reforming the Reform Path" and it is an opinion about the weakness of political parties in Egypt. Hope you will like it.

اصلاح مسار الاصلاح

ان مصر تمر بمرحلة هامة من مراحل الاصلاح و التغييرو انتهاء فترة مليئة بالركود و الرضا بالامر الواقع مع ظهور او نشاط بعض الحركات و الجماعات و المؤسسات تطالب بالاصلاح و التغيير كل ذلك اوجد نوع من التفائل لدي الشعب و ايضا صحوة من الحكومة للحفاظ علي الحكم اولا ثم الاصلاح و لاول مرة وضع مصلحة الوطن في الحسبان و كل هذه الايجابيات تعكس مدي قوة تاثير هذه الحركات علي مسيرة الاصلاح ولكن في النهاية فهي لا تملك ادوات التغيير بل بالعكس فهي اثرت سالبا علي من يملك الادوات و هم الاحزاب الضعيفة الموجودة في مصر التي هي من المفترض ان تكون اساس العمل السياسي لان لديها نفس الحقوق الدستورية للحزب الحاكم وهذا ينطبق علي معظم دول العالم و ليس مصر فقط و الدليل علي ذلك هو كيف تصرفت الحكومة مع حزب مثل الغد بدون تهاون لانها تعرف انه كان الخطر الحقيقي علي وجود النظام الحالي و دليل اخر هو دور الحكومة في فوز اعضاء جماعة الاخوان المسلمين بمقاعد في البرلمان كمستقلين علي حساب قيادت احزاب المعارضة لانها تعرف كيف تتعامل مع الاخوان بسهولة بعكس الاحزاب القوية
فنري ان مسار الاصلاح يحتاج الي اصلاح و وعي بدور الاحزاب لاستكمال اضلاع الاصلاح بدلا من الفوضي حتي لو كانت ايجابية كما قالت وزيرة الخارجية الامريكية فبالتاكيد كانت تقصد ايجابية لفترة او مرحلة فقط و اذا استمرت ربما تكون غير مفيدة او لا تؤدي الي الاصلاح المطلوب

Journalists Jailed in Egypt One More Time

AFP- CAIRO, May 25 -- Three Egyptian journalists and a lawyer were charged by a criminal court on Wednesday for denouncing state-sponsored fraud in last year's parliamentary elections, judicial sources said.

Wael Al Ibrashi and Hoda Abu Bakr, both journalists with the independent Sawt al-Umma weekly, were charged with slandering a local electoral commission chief and publishing the names of judges allegedly involved in fraud.

Similar charges were brought against Abdel Hakim Abdel Hamid, the chief editor of Afaq Arabiya (Arab Horizons) - considered the mouthpiece of the opposition Muslim Brotherhood - as well as a lawyer close to the Islamist movement, Gamal Tag El Din.

The publications had claimed that they had obtained the list of judges accused of being involved in rigging electoral results from the lawyers' syndicate, where the Muslim Brotherhood is well represented. More…

Raise your hand if surprised....

Egypt’s Contribution to World Cup 2006

Among referees of the soccer World Cup 2006 is Egyptian referee Essam Abd el Fatah. He is the third at the front row.

Here is a link to the 2006 FIFA World Cup in Germany- match schedule. Next Friday is the grand opening. I have no idea what is the tradition in the US regarding airing the matches. I am realizing that this is my first World Cup in the U.S. I heard the situation is not so good in Egypt. Matches will not be aired because of a satellite company called ART is monopolizing the matches and demands something between $100-200 for seeing them on TV.

Shalom Freedom…

My neighbors, in the building where are I live, are a Jewish family. I know because the mother sometimes wears the Kippah. The family has an almost two-year old adorable son who is very handsome. I cannot help but talking to him whenever I see him; like hi, how are you and in most of the cases he responds by staring at me.

Usually, I do not have the time to talk to the parents when the little boy is around because he is our center of attention.

Two days ago I was in the elevator with them, I said how are you to my little friend. Then I started chatting with the parents exchanging names and I was expecting the most popular question. Where are you from? SURPRISE, Egypt. But luckily they did not ask me. We went to our apartments and the dad asked my friend to tell me Shalom…. (calling my name). I said Shalom…(calling his name).

I said to myself what will be the reaction when they know that I am an Egyptian, knowing that the Israeli and Egyptian peoples do not have fully normalized relations except at the official, diplomatic and political levels. Despite the fact that many Egyptians do not really bother about having relationship with the Israeli people, the media are still stereotyping the relations and not letting it take another shape that fits 17 years of peace with Israel.

It is so funny that Islam and Judaism are so close in every aspect, however many on both sides fail to see similarities. Muslims and Jews circumcise their boys. Muslims eat Halal meat, Jews eat Kosher food (both have slaughter traditions, one is called halal and the other kosher). Muslims and Jews do not eat ham. They both fast in relation to the sun movements. Fasting in Jewish practice means complete abstinence from all food and drink, including water like Muslims. The question of women’s purity during their monthly period is the same in Islam and Judaism. The tradition of abstaining from sexual relations for a married couple during the time of a women's period and for seven days thereafter is important to traditional Jews.

I guess we are closer than we want to admit...

New Blog in the Block

Few days, I found this new blog is referring to my blog. Mideast Youth is a group of young students, bloggers, and activists who feel the need to change the current perception of the Middle East as a region.

Despite what the domain name suggests, this blog is not only for Middle Easterners. This is for anyone interested in Middle Eastern and Asian affairs, hence why we chose to launch it in English, and not Arabic/Farsi like we initially intended to.

So far, it has three authors; Esra’a (Bahrain), Huma (Pakistan) and Minoo (Iran).

I was so proud and happy to find that Mideast Youth Blog has a flag for Egypt that links to my blog.

Former actress Hanan Turk’s Call for an Iranian Movie Industry in Egypt

Well I am not so sure that my western friends have heard about this phenomenon or not before. In Egypt, there is a fashion for some actresses to work for a while and then suddenly decide on wearing the Islamic Hijab (veil over the head). Some of them abandon the acting forever, but in most cases they do not abandon public life.

If you ask me if you want to live your life in a hole, well I would say it is your life and you are free to do so. I believe in personal freedom that guarantees any decision in the individual’s life without harming the others. The problem with these actresses that they insist on bugging us on TV shows and press interviews with their religious agendas. Because after wearing the Islamic hijab, she changes her job from being an actress into an Islamic preacher who attends religious circles, presents TV shows on Islamic channels and tries to convince other women to wear Hijab. In fact, they use their fame to return the society centuries back. They believe that the only way for woman to be a true Muslim is to wear a veil to protect herself from the male dogs who the moment they will see a woman with her hair will rape her. And working as actress is of course drawing many dogs towards her. There are other women who wear it because they believe it is only Islamic.

Hanan Turk, an ex-Egyptian actress, decided to wear a Hijab to join the pious actresses, however the new thing about her is that she wants the Egyptian movie industry to be an Iranian one. She is selling the Iranian revolution project to the Egyptians. Who is this person to impose on our movie industry that has a history of close to one century to be an Iranian? This woman has no idea that Iranians would love to have an open country and that there are women in the Gulf countries who are fighting for their political and woman’s rights. The problem is not in wearing the Hijab or not, but in the values these “repenting” actresses are calling for. They do not call for protection of animals, freedoms, democracy, diversity, equal opportunities, dissipating hatred among nations or women’s rights. They call for women to wear hijab and be obedient to her husband’s needs and claim that shaking hands with men is forbidden and that art is a sin that’s why they are repenting.

Hanan Turk took this decision to wear the Hijab, but I wish I do not see her any more in the press or TV or the Cinema because I would love to see real art.

Marriage is not a contract paper, Reflections on Hind Al Hinnawy's Success

I was so happy to learn that Hind Al Hinnawy was able to prove her two-year old daughter’s kinship to her dad who refused to recognize her after two-year struggle in Egyptian courts.

The conflict between Hind and the father of her daughter, actor Ahmed Al Fishawy, had to go through the court so that the little Lina can be recognized by her society and by her country as an Egyptian-born citizen. The mom was not able to issue her a birth certificate which means she has no place in the education system needless to say in the whole country. Hind and Ahmed were married by an Urfi marriage contract. This marriage is not recognized by our legal system and it does not protect the right of the wife. In most of the cases, young couples use this Urfi marriage in Egypt as permission for a sexual relationship. Other instances, married men used it to marry other women without telling their first wives. It is not socially acceptable but it exists. There are 14,000 children in Egypt that are in Lina’s shoes before the court’s ruling. There are so many children born outside the legal wedlock form and are paying a dear price for something they did not commit.

I am not going to go through the details of the Urfi marriage which is based in an Islamic jurisdiction which could be one reason why it is causing all this confusion.

Hind and Ahmed according to press interviews fell in love and her parents did not agree on their marriage. They had a secret relationship away from the intrusive society. It is normal that people fall in love and have a relationship but this is concept does not exist in Egypt because relationships are only marriages. This system serves men best.

In a patriarchal society like Egypt, women who agree to be in a relationship with a man who is not a husband are considered sinners or whores. Sexual relationships outside wedlock are not acceptable for any reason. An Egyptian woman has to remain virgin until her wedding day. Her virginity must be declared by her husband to win the honor of the society respect. It might sound like we are in the 18 century but this is the truth. Though in reality this might not be the truth, many go into secret relationships in Egypt without informing the parents, families, friends or anyone in the entire society or end up in an Urfi marriage. Sex is considered a stigma for any woman who attempts to have a relationship before marriage.

In western societies, many couples decide to have a family and kids without the damn marriage contract paper. The man does not run away from his woman, family or kids because he had a relationship with a sinner woman. There is a moral responsibility before the legal one. Some western couples decide on having children before thinking of marriage. This is considered totally Haram (forbidden) according to all norms in Egypt. Marriage contracts guarantee this social ownership of a person, so that man can spend money without waste and recognize his children. It is true that generally it organizes the relationship but it does not add the value of the moral and ethical obligation of the individual. And that’s why a child like Lina had to stay unrecognized for two years. Her mom has to have her personal life exposed and in some instances attacked for two years.

Most of the marriages in Egypt happen with the blessings of a religious cleric. Civil marriages are not so common, though they do happen. Marriages that happen within the context of the religious institution observe the post-marriage obligations but does not create an atmosphere or encourage individuals to take moral responsibilities towards each other. Instead, in some instances, married, separated or divorced men find loopholes to evade responsibility. I am not only talking about financial obligation which could be a must, if there are children included, but there are other responsibilities like learning how to end up relationships in a civilized manner without having to resort to courts, making sure that children grow up healthy without causing psychological damage.

In our popular Egyptian movies, women who have children outside the wedlock are being rejected by the person they fell in love with, his family, her family and the society looks at her as a whore as if she is the sole responsible. She was alone by herself in this relationship. And the man usually tries to wash his hands clean by marrying the virtuous innocent woman who is usually chosen by his family, believing that he is correcting his mistake.

I hope that Hind and Lina will be a role model for not burying heads in the sands. Her family played a great role in supporting her rather than putting her in exile to avoid the society.

Most of the Egyptians I know showed support and sympathy and they were so happy to learn about the court ruling in favor of Hind and Lina which means that despite the well-established rules in favor of the man in Egypt, people are favoring human just values.

It is a story of success for standing for our rights regardless of all the social religious norms and standards that give more privileges to men over women for no good reason.

And, for your information, Fishawy was playing the preacher in some Islamic TV shows and yet he was denying his daughter the right to live as an equal child to all her peers. Despite his religious pretence no one I know sympathized with him, in fact they despised him.

Marriage at the end is not a contract paper, it is a commitment that bears the individual’s moral responsibility towards her/his partner.

Ayman Nour’s Revenge Cycle Continuous

Cairo - A pre-dawn fire gutted the headquarters of jailed Egyptian opposition leader Ayman Nour on Thursday, and his supporters blamed the government, accusing it of trying to add to the woes of a man who tried to challenge President Hosni Mubarak in elections.

The fire wrecked the entire first floor of the headquarters and blackened the exterior, but caused no injuries. Police said the blaze was caused by an electrical problem.But Nour's supporters accused the government, saying they were trying to eliminate one of his last strongholds after his imprisonment.

"They are striking against us and all the opposition on a daily basis now," Gamila Ismail, Nour's wife and a leading member of his Al-Ghad Party, told The Associated Press. "The strike this time is at a place on the grass-roots level, where we had direct contact with the people."

"For the past year, members of the (ruling National Democratic Party) have made threats to scare those who go to the building," the Al-Ghad Party said in a statement on the fire. "NDP officials have been demanding almost daily that it be closed. More …

Apology to my Readers

I am apologizing for not being able to write lately my usual commentaries or analyses. For the past few weeks, I have been copying and pasting information but I am not really blogging as I used to. As I regret my inability to blog, I cannot force myself to do so. I have a long list of ideas for new blog posts that I compile may be everyday, however something inside me is inhibiting me from blogging. I hope you do not mind my laziness may be, a mental paralysis situation..., frustration and disappointment at what is happening in Egypt may be..., being busy may be, ... I have no clue. I know all these factors exited before and I still wanted to blog. The only thing I am sure of is that I keep trying everyday to blog... I am also enjoying other bloggers' blog posts.

Freedom for Egyptians